Author Archives: Louise Mensch

About Louise Mensch

MP for Corby-Pitsville, writer, broadcaster, campaigner, rock-chick, blonde, gorgeous, totally hackette! Authorette of the infamous politiclitical diary Bullingdon Belles! Follow me! (And if you live in Corby-Pitsville, vote for me! (Not on Bloggers! (in the election!))).

Edwina Miliband Does NOT Represent the Rich

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Bullingdon Belles… another exciting romp…

Davina Cameron is furious! I don’t blame her! Who does Edwina Miliband think she is? She is not in the Bullingdon Belles and has never been, never ever EVER!

What does she mean by a predator business? What is a bad business? One that doesn’t have slimy unions threatening to go on strike every time some pompous ‘spokesperson’ wants to retire on full pension at 25? Is that bad business?

Is BAe a bad business? Is there something wrong with founding your economy on the manufacture of armaments for foreign dictators? We bombed Gaddafi – now let’s sell jetfighters to the new regime. It’s what the military call win-win.

David_Cameron

Davina Cameron says Eddie Izzard should be expected to work instead of milking the British middle classes

The Labour Party does not represent the rich. It hates people who are successful. It has NO IDEA about what makes a good business! Labour represents people who don’t work. Who don’t work!! Has Eddie Izzard ever worked? Where? Where did he work? On stage telling long, rambling ‘funny stories’? Is that work? That is NOT work. Is that the Labour Party – representing people who tell jokes? Yes. It should be called the Don’t Want to Labour Party.

One thing needs to be clear. Davina has written to Her Majesty the President to remind her who is Prima Donna. It is NOT Eddie Izzard!

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Her Majesty the President has said Davina is still prima donna

Eddie Izzard

Eddie Izzard being 'funny' for the Bullingdon Belles...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ed Miliband

Edwina Miliband laughing at his own joke policies

 

 

 

 

 

 

eurofighter_typhoon

BAe insists that making bombs is not 'bad business'. You sell one, it blows up, and then you sell another one - that's good business.

Bullingdon Belles: Davina Gets Very, Very Cross!

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The Bullingdon Belles: In this episode Davina gets very cross with a policeman who spoils her holiday. Imagine! Now read on … 

Davina Cameroon, captainette of the Bullingdon Belles, was in Tuscany. If you’re too silly to know where that is, it’s a beautiful region of Upper Class Anglo-America where queens, prime ministers and club captainettes like to go when running countries and other stupid things get, like, darling, waaayyy too tiresome.

London riot

Davina showed Fiat Bambina how they do it at the Bullingdon!

She was having fun, being just a little sexually stupid with her new bestest friend, Fiat Bambina, a waitress picked up in the Bunga-Bunga Caffetieerre on Via Berlusconi. They were talking, laughing, getting a wee smidgenette flirrty-dirrty when Jamie Oliver passed by on his Vespa and told Davina that England was rioting!

Davina thought nothing more of it. Everyone knows England is a riot, especially in the summer when the lovely coloured people have their festival and dress up in krazee-kozzies and then at 6 o’clock the police send them home to Lootin.

But – no! – the police were being very naughty. Instead of sending them back to Lootin, they were letting them run riot in Totters-on-the-Ghetto! Burnings were building! Sneakers were throwing Reebokka Brooks right through the Nike! Stones were flouting through the air! The Sun was fuming! It was a total Murdoch!

When Davina got home, she was very, very, very cross. She demanded that every single one of the Bullingdon Belles meet together — Georgina, Nicola, even Edwina. But not

David Cameron and Michele Bachman

Davina was so, so angry on the cover of Time! They said she was the Queen of Rage!

Borisetta, of course, who is not allowed in the clubhouse, and not Kenrietta, either, who no one likes, not even Edwina, even though they’re in the same dorm.

There was nothing for it. The police had to be taught a jolly good lesson. Davina told Georgina: Sack lots of them. Lots! “They spoiled my holiday!” she said mincingly.

The police felt ashamed that they were responsible for Davina having such a poor sun-tan and not even finishing her cappuccinette. They handed themselves in to Bill Bratten-Bosch, an instructor at Police Academy III.

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Nicola Clegg-Wiggle-Worth in the video for 'I was born Theresa May'